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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
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10:20 pm - Paul Walker is a Hemmroid on Society
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Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that this coming Friday Paul Walker is going to have 2 major motion pictures out in theaters at the same time? The man couldn't be more useless is he was an invalid with bi-polar disease or Paula Abdul. He has all the acting talent of Steven Hawking. George Bush is more believable for christ sake. When you are out acted in a movie by Vin Diesel you have invented a new level of suck. I watched a Paul Walker movie with the Devil once and even he begged for it to end. Making him famous is the only deal the devil ever regretted, even when he played Johnny for that gold fiddle. In short I hate Paul Walker and he should be shot in the face by the vice president immediatly.
trying to update more, thoughts?
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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1:50 am - Bono, more like dickface
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Why is it that U2 is on every other song on the goddamn radio. Everytime I turn it on its fucking U2. Its a beautiful day when you shut the fuck up and someone stabs you on a sunday bloody sunday and buries your corpse on street with no name. Hell I'll click over to 94.5 just to get away from hearing Bono and right after Kayne West's new "joint" Bono will come whining on wth some pathetic and depressing song about kids dying of aids and shit. WHO WANTS TO ROCK OUT TO SONGS ABOUT PEOPLE DYING OF AIDS AND DYSENTARY AND SHIT? No one thats who. Also Bono is a complete prick, ever hear him talk about how fucking great U2 is? If I walked around telling everyone how great Steve Burtman is and how I changed the face of restauranteuring people would call me an asshole, they call Bono Man of the year. If he is so concerned about the kids in Africa that he flys his private jet over there twice a year to visit you might think he would sell his private jet, donate the money towards feeding and curing the people and fly commercial over there next time. If I ever go to a Hypocrtical Fuckwads Convention I am going to punch Bono in his giant bug-eyed sunglasses right before he delivers the keynote address. Also I don't think Bono actually has eyes, no one has ever seen them.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 16th, 2006
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4:46 pm - some stuff
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Hey Buff, now I updated too, so there!
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Is your mom a cop?
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
only while blinking but even then I try not too
3. When's the last time you've been sleigh riding?
Is your mom named sleigh?
4.Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I'd rather have someone fall asleep with me then I go sleep somewhere alone then somehow wake up next to them. Nothin is better than waking up next to someone you love. (soooo gay of me)
5. Do you believe in Ghosts?
Not til I see one
6. What's your 'Dirty Little Secret'?
I'm an open book, read me!
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
was this survey made in 1996?
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I'd throw it in either of em
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
Not on a level that would let me have an intelligent discussion with alan or justin on the subject
10. Do you know how to play poker?
You bet... get it?
11. Have you ever stayed up for 48 hours?
yep
12. Do you kill bugs that are in the house?
I don't take them out to dinner and a movie
13. Have you ever cheated on a test?
If you cheat on a test you are only cheating yourself of knowledge
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around..do you go through red lights?
Nope
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
I have thoughts that no one knows, but I think a secret is something that you and only a few others know, if only you know then it doesn;t qualify by my definition.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
SOX WICKED HARDCORE GUY
17. Have you ever Ice Skated?
I wouldn't say ice skated as much as I would say Ice Fell-on-my-ass
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
My dreams were crushed by several ladies over the last 15 years, remembering them only brings sorrow... and yes.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying?
I think in DC
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Lady Madonna
Let it Be
Can't buy me love
8 days a week
Penny Lane
22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Love is a work in progress, there is lust and chemistry at first sight, love takes time.
23. Do you know who Ba-Ba-Booey is?
yes
24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
usually
25. What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I could sing
26. Do you like Susie?
Is your mom Susie?
27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Yes
28. What do you wear to bed?
in the summer boxers, in the winter sweatpants, no shirt
29. Have you ever been caught stealing?
I got caught stealing hearts in the lower 48 states baby
30. Does size matter?
to some degree everything matters
31. Do you truly hate anyone?
Bono
32. Rock and Roll or Rap?
There are literally hundreds of categories of music but rock and roll
33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
Jesus
34. Do you have a relative in prison?
My fake Uncle went to prison but he is out now
35. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror like your favorite singer?
I can;t sing like anyone
36. Do you know how to play chess?
yes
37. What food do you find disgusting?
aspargus is the devil
38. Did you ever skip class?
yes, and I still passed everything
39. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
nothin I wouldn;t say to their face
40. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Yes.
41. Have you ever been punched in the face?
I'm a lover
42. When is the last time you threw up from drinking too much?
a while ago, maybe 4th of july I dunno if I puked then though
43. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater?
Nope
44. Do you ever sit through a bad movie, just to see how bad it got?
I love bad movies
45. Would you consider yourself obsessed with anything/anyone?
yeah
46. Have you ever met someone famous that you really wanted to meet?
I met the ninja turtles in orlando
47. Have you ever been stood up?
I think so
48. When's the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs?
can;t recall
49. Did you ever do something that you didn't want to, but did it just to fit in?
I dunno
50. Was this fun?
not really
current mood:  amused
current music: madisyaho
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
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2:28 pm
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table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'><tr><td></td><td> You scored as Sociology. You should be a Sociology major!
Psychology | | 100% | Anthropology | | 100% | Sociology | | 100% | Mathematics | | 92% | Theater | | 92% | Biology | | 75% | Philosophy | | 75% | English | | 67% | Journalism | | 58% | Engineering | | 58% | Linguistics | | 58% | Art | | 42% | Dance | | 42% | Chemistry | | 8% | </td></tr>
What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com</table>
funny how I scored 100% on 3 different things, I am either very balanced or extremely fucked up
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, December 24th, 2005
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5:37 pm
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| Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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12:59 am - stuff that really grinds my gears
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You know some other stuff I hate, well I'll tell you:
I hate when you go onto someones myspace page and the mouse arrow changes into some douche bag icon of douchebaggery, like a female or male symbol you know the circle with the arrow or circle with the cross, or some stupid disney character or whatever. Man thats fuckin annoying.
I hate Laguna Beach. What the fuck is that show. I watched 5 minutes of it and do people really think that is someones real life? Is it a reality show because its all staged to shit. You gotta be a clueless asshat to think that the show is real. And who wants to watch real rich people anyway? Here's a clue they are fuckin boring. I'd much rather watch a blue collar family working their ass off to pay a morgage and raise kids while fighting abusive pasts and drug addictions. Fuck laguna Beach and fuck you if you watch it, If I wanna see fake rich people I'll watch the OC, better writing.
I hate dudes who wear giant chains and oversized puffy coats and hats with the lid straight. Where the fuck did you people come from? How in the hell do you think that that looks good? Your jacket is 9 sizes to big and the fabric is the same as my sleeping bag. As a matter of fact I think they just bought sleeping bags and cut sleeves into them. YOU LOOK LIKE A JACKASS. You know why baseball players don't wear their caps with a straight top, BECAUSE ITS FUCKING GAY!! and learn to talk for christ sake you all sound like retards, pick up a book and learn something other than trying to get your dick wet.
I hate when girls complain about the way a dude treats them and then hook up with yet another dude who treats them the same way, and vice versa. Wake the fuck up you dingleshits, maybe its you who needs to change and not the entire other gender! Stop being a gullible vomitpile and make a change in your own fucking life and stop complaining to me about it every 5 seconds!
Thats all I got for today but I will let you know more stuff I hate in another addition whenever I get around to it so stop bugging me to update my journals you no life loser.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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11:46 pm
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As seen in various LJs, both this year and last:
Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple ("I'd like a couple new LJ icons made just for me.") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD.") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, so that the holiday joy will spread.
Step Two
- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.
- You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.
- There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.
My wishes:
1. a girlfriend (yes I am loser who wishes for a girlfriend but nothing is better than spending the holidays with someone you love and their family who are always crazy)
2. To see all my friends who are away somewhere else
3. Sox Tickets, Sox Tickets and more Sox Tickets
4. Sirrius Satellite Radio
5. The dvd's that were stolen from me returned
6. To hit the scumbag who stole them
7. a small bit part in an off broadway play or film
8. a trip to vegas with all my friends
9. to learn how to play guitar
10. My parents futures to be secure and my dad to be able to work again
Steve Burtman
130 Crawford St
Lowell Ma, 01854
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
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4:48 pm
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| Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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1:31 am - bored so here you go
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| Monday, August 8th, 2005
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3:53 pm
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List 10 things in a day that give you a moment of joy, and tag five friends:
1. The Red Sox
2. Getting a laugh out of other people
3. Reflecting on past good times with friends and former girlfriends though this can bring pain as well but is mostly good
4. My Puppy Fenway
5. A Good Movie (sneaker double feature)
6. the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you meet someone and you just know its gonna lead to something more
7. Playing Soccer
8. Porno
9. A trip to the mall for no reason
10. Road Trips with good friends
I only did this out of sheer boredom and loathe tagging other people and such so if you want to do this go ahead and do it otherwise piss off
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 31st, 2005
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7:07 pm
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last night I drank with Syrus from the real world. Funny out of all the hot and slutty chicks on that show over the years I meet and hang out with syrus. God hates me. And whats with people spelling GOD G-D nowadays. Its like that on everything I read. I mean the man (diety) isn;t Voldemort we can say his name. I mean i think he has more to worry about with all the raping and child killing and such that goes on then to care about people spelling GOD while they write. WAKE THE FUCK UP AMERICA. God doesn;t give 2 shits about that or dirty language on tv or G-D Forbid NUDITY!!!! Have we all heard about Hilary RODham Clinton (no one I know has to use their middle name so why do you?) coming down on rockstar games because some programmer left in a code that if you punch in you can see 2 people having sex? God forbid a 14 year old see pixilated nudity, he'll grow up to be a serial killer. I think i know the real problem. The problem is the characters in the game are black. No wonder society doesn;t want to see it, Ms. Clinton doesn;t want to encourage black people having sex. WAKE UP AMERICA!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 14th, 2005
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4:52 pm
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My, my so much has happened since I last wrote in here. Lets start off with the major stuff I suppose. First off the Pirates after a season and a half won a game. It was amazing and I am glad I lived to see it. Scotty deserved it and I hope his players all pay him now. What else? It all seems so trivial after that.
Brandy whom I was kinda sorta maybe dating for a bit took off and moved to Oregon on me so I am once again a sorry sack of single suck. Alliteration aside I was sorry to see her go, she was a cool girl and it's too bad we got cut short. Anyone up for taking me out to the bars and getting me drunk to console me I will take you up on it.
Last Sunday the 3rd I had an amazing party. I drank over a 30 rack over the course of the day and Doty supplied 200 jello shots and needless to say it was a bad idea for me to get on a dirt bike but I did. It's a good thing chicks dig scars. You do dig scars right? Please god let you dig scars... There was also some mud wrestling and people hooking up all over the place like a crazy orgy party. I of course stayed clear of any hooking up but I did have a new amazing tee-shirt on so it wasn't a total loss of a night. I mean it was a cool tee-shirt. Seriously though it was a party you would see in a movie. People everywhere doing stupid things and getting high in the barn. So many different groups of people there, good times. We are having another party end of july, early august so look out for that bulletin.
I saw many movies over the last few weeks and I am first pissed off at Land of the Dead. This movie was sooooo disapointing. I love the zombie flick but this just made no sense. This one zombie started thinking and leading the other zombies around, then he figures out how to like shoot guns and use knives and stuff. So he teaches the other zombies and they start killing people with the guns and stuff and then just move on WITHOUT STOPPING TO EAT THEM FIRST! What the fuck is that? The only motivation a zombie has to kill someone is to eat them, without the eating them they are just people with guns who happen to be decomposing and thats just not what zombies are for. They are set apart by the eating people! Jesus Christ get a fucking clue. No one wants to see a zombie pretend to be human, most people I meet everyday are just pretending to be human anyway we don't need zombies doing the same thing. Batman gets the steve burtman seal of approval as does War of the Worlds, Bewitched can suck my grundel though. Nicole Kidman should be dragged back to australia and have a didgerydoo stuck up her pooter whilst being raped by a kangaroo. She has never made a good movie and never will. Thats it for now more fun sooner than later I hope.
current mood:  blah
current music: new foo fighters
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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2:25 pm
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So last night I went to the red sox game and it was an awesome time as always. I got to boston round 230 and met up with my friend Justin who moved down to Georgia. He is in town for a few weeks so i was pysched to hang out with him. We met up at the souvenier store and talked about getting some merchandise and I finally talked myself into getting a sweet ass red sox hoodie that cost me my left testicle. I kid you not they ran my left nut threw a machine before I could walk outside with it. I was hungry so we went off to the cask and flagon where I had the most amazing sandwich I have ever seen in my life. It was called the triple play and I'll never forget it. It was a giant roll the size of a plate cut into three sections. The first section contained melted cheese and roast beef. The middle section contained buffalo chicken and the last section was ham and cheese with mustard. It came with a huge plate of fries too. After polishing off that and a few beers we headed for the ticket office to get tickets to the last tour of the park for the day. This was a way for us to get to see most of the sox batting practice plus the tour is full of awesome facts I never knew like the year Ted Williams hit .406 they did not have the sac fly rule that if you sac fly it doesn;t affect your average. If the sac fly rule had been in effect that year his average would have been .419. Thats how good a hitter ted williams was. Now the last tour of the day on a game day ends at the third base line seat you don;t go onto the field cause the sox are taking batting practice. So we all sit down at some of the best seats in baseball and watch while the tour guide talks about whatever and no one pays attention to them cause all the players are 10 feet from you. On this day we were playing the orioles and low and behold sammy Sosa and Manny Rameriez are on the feild chatting literally 10 feet from where I am. This is to good of an opportunity for me to pass up being a champion heckler so ignoring the tour guide I yell out at sammy "Hey Sammy You're In the Wrong Game!" a classic line from his High Heat baseball commercial in which the barely able to speak english sammy hawks a video game. Manny instantly starts cracking up at my comment and sammy smiles and gives a thumbs up as manny laughs more. Tejada one of the best short stops in baseball joins them and is chuckiling as well having heard me so I yell at him "Hey Tejada come play for us!" This gets another laugh and manny grabs a ball points at me and tosses it to me. I got a ball at the game from sheer force of wit. It was a dream come true. After the tour we exited the park and went back inside offcially at 5 when the gates opened. Justin and I headed to the red sox dugout by the first baseline to watch the rest of batting practice and to yell obnoxiously at eric freide and some other nesn guys and of course at the ESPN crew who was at the game as well. This was when the funniest thing ever happned. A 15 year old fat girl came next to us and in the most annying voice ever started yelling kevin millar, you know in that fat girl southie aqueal "Hey MILLLAAAAAAHHH YOU'RE SO FUCKIN HOTTTT!!" So millar tosses a ball at her dispite my hatred for her and his obvious disdain. The fat girl obviously has never had a ball near her face before so she miss plays it and a guy behind her catches it. She instantly goes "GIVE THAT TO MY MILLAAAAAAH WANTS ME TO HAVE IT IT'S MINE!!!!" and the dude looks at her and says "no" and walks away as she screams about what a prick he is. I never laughed harder in my life. After that we met alan and betty and headed up to our seats on the right field roof where we drank our free 25 dollars worth of beer and food and watched the sox win 5-1 on a strong pitching performance by wade miller. It was a good night.
current mood:  accomplished
current music: foo fighters
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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11:42 pm
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Today was a sad day in my life. Today I rooted for the red sox to lose, not because I have lost love for the team or because I wanted to see them fail but because my ex went to her first red sox game today without me and I was angry. This is the saddest thing ever, like them losing would ruin her time. Why do I even care anymore? Why does it bother me so much? I cursed a team I have loved since childhood for the lamest, emo reason. I need to let it all go and the sooner I do that the better. Its just that when i think I am making strides a setback like today happens. I guess I'll never truly get over her just like any real love in someones life, I just hope that eventually I will not get so angry about such trivial garbage. I think realizing it is a good step in the right direction and I have a lot of cool stuff to look foward to this summer anyway, like 3 red sox games and RAW live in boston next week and seeing dane cook and meatloaf and hopefully oasis and jet. Met some cool girls too so hopefully something will pan out, things are looking up in general and as soon as I figure this stuff out I should have a good summer,
current mood:  disappointed
current music: Beck - Lost Cause
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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11:11 am - dumped
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Sometimes in life you open yourself up to someone and hope they will take you in forgive you,understand you, and be there with you no matter what the situation. When that happens it's the greatest thing in the world. But when you do that you also open yourself up to pain, and hurt, and confusion, and sometimes anger. I've had both and learned from both, but the latter still stings deeply. It's hard to say that I will or won't do it all over again someday but for now Steve Burtman is closed.
current mood: depressed
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, January 24th, 2005
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8:29 pm
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Dream Job
So I was thinking about my dream job cause I really need to pick a career and I came to the conclusion that the best job on the planet was being an American Gladiater. Holy shit that show ruled. Basically you would show up to work and get a cool name that has something to do with cars, fire, loud noises,or cool animals like Nitro, Turbo, Hawk, Syren, Anfernee whatever. Then you put on some spandex that hugs your awesome pectorals and put in your giant cod peice. You go out into the crowd and shake hands with your adoring public and sign your name on some 8X10 glossies of you posing with a mean look on your face. After that you talk some grade-C level trash cause its a family show after all. Then Lunch. Then you get your event and you only have like 1 or 2 and they only last for like 3 minutes. The events are always cool like shooting people with tennis balls, getting in a big steel ball and making it bash into people, tackling smaller suckas, just fun shit. So after that you talk more trash, shower, fuck some hot broad and go home. I was born to be an american gladiater so please fox network bring that show back! What would your american gladiater name be? Mine would be Stallion
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 13th, 2005
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1:19 am
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looks like you are all wrong about me. I did answer all questions honestly bu the way and didn't cheat
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, January 10th, 2005
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11:52 pm
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Ok so my friend Lena is working at an animal shelter and asked for donations to it for her birthday instead of gifts which sounds like an admirable thing to do but I don't agree. Why do we have animal shelters? Animals have been living outside for hundreds of thousands of years then humans who build shelters come along within the last 10,000 and we decide "Hey fuck you animals living outside I am gonna build you a shelter" Now when an animal isn't inside we arrogant pricks think "Hey what the hell are you doing outside you animal? you belong indoors in a nice comfy cage [editors note: cages are neither comfy nor nice as they lack cushioning and freedom] where you can lie down next to your poop and have your freedom to sniff things taken away oh and by the way if no one comes to claim you in a few weeks we will kill you" That doesn't sound very nice to me. Imagine if thats the way we ran homeless shelters. With Bush in charge it may not be far off. A guy loses his job at the factory cause Bush has made it easier for corporations to move production out of the states so they can skip out on things like paying taxes, decent salaries and healthcare. He can't make ends meet so he ends up on the streets dancing for change in harvard square. Eventually the Human Control Police show up and lasso him by the neck and stick him in a van. There he is taken and put in a cell where he gets to sit on old newspapers and poop right next to himself. He is given a diet of ground beef and cheese [which gives him more shits] then since his family disowned him cause he can't pay his child support no one comes to claim him in three weeks. So he gets to take a trip to the "Doctor" where he swallows his cynide and the homeless population is controlled (after he was neutered of course). Sounds like paradise to me, so NO I will not be donating to this so called "shelter" or as Lena may refer to this puppy concentration camp: dogshwitz.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 9th, 2005
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3:24 am
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my chest hair is literally out of control. I don't really know what to do. I think it's creeping up to far yet I have never had anyone instruct me on how to properly trim my chest. I have always been as they say in France Le Hairy but now in my old age it may be a problem. I can't shave it all off or wax it because I am meant to be hairy and a hairless Burtman would be a sin unto this earth. I guess I will have to try and experiment with it and see what works best. Maybe I will use my roommates beard trimmer, don't tell him ok?
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 30th, 2004
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2:13 am
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when people arent around people ask where you are.
and when you walk into a room its an uproar
you deserve that reaction from the world.
everyone should hear this from a friend someday, I am glad I did
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dilweed's journal